Thank you, Morning Chalk Up

3 months ago, I was stepping GINGERLY into the shower with my husband and I looked him in the eye and said “I’m never going to PR my squat again and I’m okay with it.”

The last time I was able to max was Fall of 2017. And my joint health has just been such a problem. But I didn’t ever give up. And I never stopped working.

In 2016, I had my first trip to the knee surgeon. The surgeon gave me 5 diagnoses on my left knee and assumed the right knee was in a similar status because I have a congenital defect. To simplify it – I was born with my knee caps in the wrong place and dislocate very easily. The surgeon told me that there was little to nothing that he could do. To quote him as closely as possible, what he said was “one day you’re going to not be able to bear the pain anymore and you’re going to say “it’s time” (to get a total knee replacement). The reason that he said “one day” is that if I went for a TKR, it would be a long and slow rehab and it would probably remove me from competitive CrossFit and Olympic lifting.

I’ve done the work that the knee surgeon recommended – I tape my knees (McConnell taping technique), wear braces, ice, compress and done so much PT.

Fast forward. May. I can pinpoint it. It was the Thursday before we were to do Murph. I had just done a shitton of double unders. I mean. SO MANY. Because my assignment was to get 10 sets of 30 unbroken and to keep going until I could do that. So. I did. And it took me about 45 minutes and 23,000 attempts. I was moving onto Snatches and had set up on the OLY platform. Next to the platform was a stack of weights that butted up to the weight shelf. I put my water bottle there, but being clumsy, I dropped it. I walked around to the front of the shelf to retrieve it, but I couldn’t reach. So, I stooped down and leaned forward, reaching for the water bottle. My knee gave a loud pop. But that was it. I got my water bottle and went back to practicing snatches.

Middle of the night, I got up to go to the bathroom, and I could not bear ANY weight on my knee.

After a day, we went to urgent care. Got x-rays. Got sent home with a big metal hinge brace and prescription for 400mg Ibuprofen. Doctor’s appointment and then surgeon appointment and then MRI and another surgeon’s appointment resulted in one course of oral prednisone (and a weight gain of about 8 lbs which is BOOOO HISSS) and then a cortisone shot in my knee … because … I tore my medial meniscus this time. I started PT at Rokke Therapy and had to lay off squatting.

But then. Slowly, strength in my legs started to come back. Jake programmed SO MANY exercises besides the PT (which I still do EVERY MORNING) … following the PT’s recommendations of lots of single leg work. Lots of slow, steady movement. SO MANY BOX SQUATS. BORING WORK. But work that I was willing to do.

So when there was a front squat ladder at last weekend’s competition that went from 65 to 175#, I was aiming to HOPEFULLY make the 155 bar. That one went down and up easy … so I decided to hit the 165# bar. And figured why not try on the 175. It was money.

I’m always learning.

I now know that I just can’t ever say something is not going to happen.

And I also know that the world is watching, or at least Mama Danger is ❤️ and she writes for the Morning Chalkup and they celebrate all of the wins.

Being Authentic … and having a Growth Mindset … is a CHOICE

authentic (1) of undisputed origin; genuine (2) based on facts, accurate, reliable (3) relating to or denoting an emotionally appropriate, significant, purposeful, and responsible mode of human life

Photo by Molly Bermea of Frizz Studios; Style by Megan Blake of MB Beauty; Outfit by The Chestee; Site CrossFit Code Red, Hillsboro OR

Last weekend, I was so fortunate to have been the subject of a photoshoot. I am a brand ambassador for The Chestee and it was time to get more than screenshots from video for promotion of my involvement with the brand. I’ve never had a photoshoot like this before. There was a makeup artist and hair stylist. There were multiple outfits to change and so many props. And honestly, good music thanks to my CrossFit coach and so many laughs, smiles and fun thanks to everyone involved.

The photographer Molly was amazing. She has some experience shooting CrossFit, a graphic arts background and has an amazing gift at capturing someone’s spirit and personality in a photo. And this gift is why she was chosen for this photoshoot. We wanted someone to capture ME. Not just another fit girl modeling a sports bra.

I will be 100% honest about what I first saw when I saw this picture vs what I see with my growth mindset focus.

I first saw the flap of skin hanging over the waistband of these pants and was immediately disappointed in myself for not tucking it in.

But then, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that the skin is there as a sign of human life and healing. That skin is just a physical representation of growth between when I was trying to find my way and today.

And in this moment of realization, I immediately felt so happy, proud and motivated to just keep plugging away.

The truth is … flap of skin or not … THIS PHOTOGRAPH IS AMAZING. It captures the ESSENCE of WHO I AM. I am HAPPY. I am STRONG. I LOVE the barbell. Living life to the fullest, laughing and spending time with my family and working towards my goals using small baby steps is the core of my identity.

I could have made the choice in that moment to remain critical of my body and not like this photo. Or I could have requested that my photographer photoshop that skin out.

But instead, I am so proud to be able to share this amazing picture. I have made the choice to be authentic, to love myself … and I am sharing it, proud and happy. This is who I am.

 #lovelife#happyhappy#workharder#traineverydamnday#maketimeforyou#eatcleantraindirty#realitycheck#growthmindset#crossfitgirls#momswithmuscles#fitness#transformationtuesday#thisis200lbs 📸 by @frizzstudio 💄 by @mbsbeautypage outfit by @thechestee (use CORINNE10 in your 🛒 to save some 💰) || #worldsokayestweightlifter#mastersathlete#snatch#barbell#babe#crossfit#weightloss#transformation#transformationjourney#ilostweight#crossfitmasters#sweat#fitspo

Fear can be powerful

Fear IS a powerful emotion. But you can really use mindset focus and training to overcome it. I’m not JUST saying this. I’m PRACTICING IT.

I’m truly scared to do box jumps.

I have had 2 wrecks. One in my home gym on a tiny box – and one at a competition. Scars on my shin will forever remind me of the injury.

So when I’m supposed to try something NEW on the box. Is even MORE scary. So. These little 20” “no running start” and special landing position jumps (jake what are these called?) are a big deal.

These were part of barbell class last night – designed to help us land in the right position. So these 10 jumps were kinda a big deal. 

Video on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/corinne.stonier/videos/10157222784572774/ 

 

#faceyourfear #boxjumps #akashinsharks#domorebemore #beautyinstrength#transformationjourney #stronger#faster #leaner #momswithmuscles#mastersathlete #cfcrathlete

Who is at work on a Saturday during the Holiday season??

really mugWho is at work on a Saturday?? Meeeeee.

—Because. I have an active family, personal and fitness goals and work deadlines. It all has to balance at some point (and this girl’s gotta earn a paycheck!!).

— Because. My primary goal for the next few weeks is to be able to go to London without a laptop. Mike and I have planned accordingly with our coworkers so we don’t have to work during vacation … and for me it means that I need to have the month closed.

—Because. My coworker and one of my closest and best friends is battling cancer and I was the one who said “she needs to be at home fighting and I will work weekends until she gets through chemo.”

—Because. When it comes to scheduling – this is one area of my life that I do not wing. I HATE being late. And I cringe when I have to tell someone “I don’t have time” (because I MAKE time for what matters). I am so blessed because my husband and kids are 10000% on board. We sit down weekly, go over calendars, plan meals and then prepare accordingly. This simple hour we spend planning has been a catalyst for a better life. I have so much less stress because I know (often weeks in advance) how much “free” time we have for family fun, training, date nights, and playing with friends. Or the opposite – when we have to be very stingy with anything “extra” because of prior obligations (like right now my daughter’s soccer season is starting but we are still in swim season!!). Of course things sometimes pop up … and some weeks there just doesn’t seem to be enough time, but in slowing down to plan, we’ve been able to see holes in the calendar and plug them in … we’ve been able to see when we need to enlist help (like paying for housekeeping when it’s necessary) or communicate to our coaches that we need a condensed program due to time restrictions. And sometimes it means working extra on the weekend and leaving earlier on a weekday.

—Because. If you’ve been stressed or think you need help with this area of your life, it requires evaluation. How far ahead do you make goals and plan how you will achieve them? Do you do a quick evaluation and re-adjust weekly? Is your family involved? Ask me for help if you need it💕

 

PS: buy yourself this mug! The updated version is here:

How sweet do you REALLY need it?

Over the weekend, I decided to FOCUS on my goal of not eating like an asshole.

I realize that when I discuss a goal that I should be more positive in my framework of that goal .. but in all seriousness, I have been stressed and eating my emotions (not normal since I have been healthy) = eating things like pumpkin scones or cinnamon rolls or chocolate chip cookies and mochas as a daily (sometimes twice daily) “treat” (not once a week as agreed upon with my nutritionist … more like five times a week).

I have been eating like an asshole!!!

Also, over the past 3 weeks, while I have logged into myfitnesspal on the daily, I have not logged all of my foods so my poor nutritionist is probably at a loss of how to guide me towards positive change based on the past few weeks … other than what I imagine him saying along the lines of  “hey, I kinda need your data if I’m going to be able to do my job.”

I know that a majority of success in finding my focus on my nutritional goals lies in planning. On Saturday, Mike and I sat down and looked at our family calendar, work schedules and kids / sports calendars .. and then started menu planning.  At this point, I went to town, trying to figure out when we would need to make which meals (no beef or pork on nights Lizzy is eating with us … no cooking on riding lesson night if we want to eat before 10 PM … lunches come from dinner the night before so if we will be eating out, need to make enough meat 2 nights before that, etc.)…. and then on calculating macros – seeing how meals could be manipulated in order to fit both Mike’s macro plan and mine (he gets about double the carbs I do and I think about 50% more protein than I do).

Honestly, that is the easy part. For me. the harder part is figuring out “why” and “how”.  Why do I emotionally eat? And why have I lacked willpower to walk away from the candy and snacks in the break room at work recently? How do I create a situation in which I can control this a little more?  Can I make something that I can substitute as a “treat” without it wrecking my macros for the day? 

Part of the answers to the why:

  • One thing I do know is that my stress due to our fiscal year close at work and my friend’s cancer treatment and my crazy mom’s taxi schedule will not be going away this week.
  • I am aware that EVEN IF I have ALL of our meals planned … it does not mean that I will be able to walk away from donuts in the break room or keep away from the Starbucks drive through. That part comes from willpower.  Lately, I’ve given in to the donuts. The yogurt covered raisins. The trail mix (those m&ms are yummy). Or to waffles. Or the home baked “healthy” muffins. It’s all sweet shit that destroys my willpower….
  • I know that when I have my period, I am SUPER HUNGRY and want to eat all of the sweets around … so that’s a truth right now.

So after reflection, I decided to work on controlling what I could and googled banana and pumpkin bread and muffin recipes.

Know this one thing about me.  I am NOT a very good cook. I am NOT confident in the kitchen nor do I have patience to weigh/measure/bake on a typical day.

HOWEVER … I AM determined to get lighter and stronger … and I’m trying to work with my cravings, health and goals and decided this could be good for all of the above.

I scratched a recipe on the backside of a WZA scorecard and then set to work modifying it.  I read a few googled articles on how to sub out certain ingredients for others.

I subbed out 1 cup of vanilla whey isolate low carb protein powder for flour and honey (the protein powder is sweet … do we really need it any sweeter?).  I then used 2 cups of fine almond flour, 3 ripe bananas, 1/4 cup melted coconut oil, 1 tsp vanilla, 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar, 3 eggs, 2 tsps cinnamon, 1 each of baking soda, nutmeg and salt (plus a half tsp of ginger (Mike suggested this addition after he taste tested the batter) and baked in the oven 1 hour at 300 degrees.

 

 

 

OMG YUMMY.

And 220 cals / 14C, 13F, 10P for 1/8 of the loaf.

I cannot get over how moist this turned out and without any added sugar it’s sweet enough, too (but you can add 1/4 cup honey as recommended).

Because the dog is an asshole and ate 3/4 of the loaf off of the counter (okay – my fault for leaving it in reach), I also did bake a second loaf and this time included 1/4 cup of honey that I had actually forgotten to include when I made it the first time).  The honey gives it a slight difference in taste and the crust is darker/sweeter … however, really, it’s not necessary (this is coming from a sweet tooth cravings person).

Onwards to the week.

Breakfast meat/sweet potatoes are prepped.  Meals planned. Sweets baked. I am hoping for an improvement and shooting for 90% compliance with my journaling and an appointment over skype or phone with my nutritionist this week to work on my macros and the plan for the next month.  Wish me luck, please … and also … feel free to leave me comments here about what you struggle with and how you handle it!!! *muah*